


i will not kiss you (even if though i want to)

by little_crow_bee



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: ? - Freeform, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, My First Fanfic, Pain, Rarepair, Unhappy Ending, half-beta read, hand holding, i think, ish, jetru, okay i dont know what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 22:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30146757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_crow_bee/pseuds/little_crow_bee
Summary: Haru didn't think it would be this way, any of it.He had hoped he would have more time, but now Jet is on the ground and he has to confront his feelings.OrHaru revisits the times he spent with Jet, when he almost spilled his heart.
Relationships: Haru/Jet (Avatar), Jet & Longshot & Smellerbee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	i will not kiss you (even if though i want to)

Haru didn’t know how he got here, but all he knew was that it was bad. _It was really bad._

It was supposed to be a good day. He, Smellerbee, Longshot, and Jet were taking a break. They deserved it after what felt like weeks on edge, the soldiers sent by the Earth Kingdom’s monarchy were persistent. Being on the run for so long was a tiring thing. 

Who knew someone would go this far for a group of kids?

It was during one day where Longshot collapsed from the past two days of running on pure adrenaline that Haru suggested that they should set up camp for a while. The idea was welcomed immensely, even if Jet was uneasy about it for a little. He knew as well as Haru that they needed to rest if they were going to make the journey. They’d be safe there.  
A cave by the riverside was a perfect place to relax for a few days, maybe they could even spend a week there. Haru caught Jet’s small glances on occasion when they were alone, the water lapping at the edge they resided at. Those eyes, in all their dark glory, were intoxicating to him. Shining like the backs of elephant koi, it looked like the entire sky was contained in those little spheres. There was not a single word that could accurately describe their effect. The sky sometimes seemed much less vast than the ones that kept glimpsing at him, and maybe, just maybe, he hoped Jet saw him the same way too. 

They didn’t see the rigid green uniforms eyeing them across the river, too lost in the others being as a whole. In hindsight, Haru knew he should’ve noticed them, but the thought of just staring back at Jet was an extremely appealing one. He shouldn’t have given in, maybe then they would have more time. 

It was too late by the time Longshot had spotted them, yelling with such a shrill edge that sent chills down Haru’s spine. 

He didn’t see what hit Jet, but by the time he turned around Jet was on the ground, his breath staggering. It was deathly similar to what Smellerbee told him what he looked like when he almost died for the first time. 

Haru’s blood scalded underneath his skin, but the sweat forming on his neck ran cold. The pressure in Haru’s chest would’ve killed him if it could, but it stayed there crushing his lungs inwards. 

_Who were these people? Why are they here? What do they want? Where did they come from? How did I not see them? Why did I not see them? Jet-_

All he knew was that he had to get rid of their assailants and fast. 

Adrenaline shaking throughout his veins, he sent them into the river with erratic movements over his normally smooth ones. Haru’s side had never felt more empty. The reassurance, _the confidence,_ Jet’s presence gave when he was fighting back to back with him was missing. 

_Jet._

If his own eyes could go any wider they’d rip open. Haru rushed to Jet’s side, eyes prickling the closer he got. 

Jet, the person his heart ran wild for, the person who gave his shoulder to Haru on his darkest nights, _his friend_ , laid on the ground, hardly responsive to Smellerbee’s calls. Her eyes were wide and she almost looked angry. 

He could hardly imagine what it was like to see this scene again. Jet had told him about the time he almost died in Ba Sing Se, quietly, paranoid. How he could hear the voices of the other Freedom Fighters twisted beyond repair. How they struggled to bring him back, only to lose him now. If Haru was in Smellerbee’s place, he wouldn’t be able to move. He would’ve been angry as well.

Jet’s chest rose and fell quickly, taking only shallow breaths. Any time he tried to breathe deep, his face would contort with pain. His skin was sallow and covered in sweat, making the clothes stick to his skin. The dark eyes Haru once lost himself in, were out-of-focus, dim, and it made his stomach twist into itself horribly. Jet was on the edge of something he couldn’t bear to name. The sheer thought of it made his mouth go dry, and Haru knew nothing could relieve it. 

The war didn’t wait for anyone to relax. It never gave time for moments alone, moments to let your eyes wander, moments to cradle the warmth of people you shouldn’t have to die for. The war never gave back the time it stole, no matter how much people pleaded, no matter how many people hoped. Its cruelty knew no bounds that the human mind could conjure up. 

“ _Haru,”_ Jet’s voice sounded as if he was drowning, gasping on the last syllable. His complexion was even worse if that was even feasible. Jet’s eyes were idly gazing at Haru, ever so slightly, hardly focusing. 

Jet’s hand reached out for him, trembling and barely having the strength to even hold it up. Haru couldn’t help the tears that started to form. The dampness of cheeks made his sight blurred. 

He clasped his hands around them gently, calluses brushing calluses. Rough hands from countless spars and countless escapes. Haru knew the drive ran through these hands. He knew how gentle these hands were too. They were so much colder than the last time they’d held hands. 

So much colder. 

### ***

The fields were a lovely shade of tan like the toasted side of a sesame seed, bustling at the seams with wheat. Sunlight caressing the earth, the fields were turned into a golden sea. It was warm, like a mother’s kiss to her children. Haru couldn’t help but be homesick. 

He could feel the steam from his mother’s cooking wrapping around him. His father’s soot-covered hands on his shoulder were a welcomed pressure. Their smiles felt like home. He found their faces in the campfires at night, tracing them in the loose dirt under his feet. 

They couldn’t get to his village fast enough. 

Smellerbee and Longshot were out in the fields having a mock battle, wrestling and rough-housing. Their laughter rang throughout the fields like a songbird’s melody. Even though those two hadn’t been out of Haru and Jet’s sight for weeks, they felt at ease. 

“If you two get lost we’re not trying to find you!” Jet hollered in the general direction where their laughter sprang from. 

“Yeah yeah, we get it!” Smellerbee yelled back as she dove back under the wheat, Longshot following suit. 

Jet turned back to Haru, a slight smile making its way onto his face. 

“What’s got you so happy?” Haru chuckled. Jet didn’t smile like this often. The corners of his mouth were uneven, much different than the almost calculated one he gave to other wanderers. The sunlight hit his feathery hair in such a way that it shone a rich mahogany Haru had only seen on jewelry boxes. There were pangs in his chest, warm and fuzzy. 

“It’s really nice to see them get to relax, you know, be happy.” Jet sighed out, eyebrows downturned delicately. 

He turned towards Haru, maybe it was the sun, but something shifted in his eyes, shades of brown from every corner of the earth. They were soft, _tender_ even, much more than the clouds above that had begun to become soaked in hues unspeakable. They were the color mandarin peels so ripe that they started to trickle with sugar blended with the color of scales of fish they could never buy. 

He could practically taste the sweetness on his tongue, but there was a more saccharine hue to marvel at.

Jet was flushed with an intensity that would leave his chest fluttering as if it was a Sparrowkeet who had its first taste of freedom. The darkening of his skin across the bridge of his nose, laying lightly over his ears, was potent in its grasp. Haru was slowly untangling the threads in his mind, knowing his desire, _his undeniable need_ , to simply tuck that wandering strand of hair behind Jet’s ear. It swayed in the thin breeze that had begun to form, taunting him. 

_How soft would his hair be?_ Haru could nearly feel that straying strand between his fingers, but he keeps his hands buried in the grass. The dirt was digging in between his fingernails.

Haru’s breath caught in his ribs, threatening to never leave as long as he saw this view. 

And maybe Haru didn’t mind that. 

“Can I tell you something?” Jet’s spoke low and soft like the rumbling of the ground before an earthquake. 

With his breath still caught in his chest, all Haru could do was nod. 

_Was he...?_

“I’ve never learned how to, wow this sounds stupid.” He waved over the wheat fields, drawing Haru’s attention to them. “I’ve never learned how to be like that.”

Smellerbee had wheat strewn about her hair as Longshot threw more at her. She stuck her tongue out at him and he returned the gesture. Their faces were the most carefree he had seen them since they met. The laughter and sheer unfiltered joy he heard made a smile form on Haru’s face. 

“What do you mean by that?” Jet didn’t respond, opting to continue his gaze at Haru. Then it hit him, dragging his heart to the deepest part of his stomach. Though Haru wasn’t standing, he felt like he had lost his footing in the middle of a fight. 

“I can’t remember the last time I could be like that, so carefree.” Jet talked quietly as if he were whispering about upcoming soldiers on their path, threatening their safety. He fumbled for the next few words trying to force them out, but only small noises came out instead. 

Unconsciously, Haru reached across to place his hand over Jet’s own. 

“Breathe.” He hardly felt the words leave his mouth. Jet took a long shuddering breath and Haru could feel his hand relax under his own. Jet was okay now and even though Haru didn’t want to, he knew it was better to let go. He doesn’t want to ruin one of the few friends he had around him. Haru started to pull his hand away, the warmth going with it, but something stopped him. 

Jet flipped his hand, catching Haru’s fingers. It sent shocks throughout his skin. Jet’s eyes were pleading, but maybe Haru was reading too much into it again. He was just lonely and they never had friends their own age before. Smellerbee and Longshot have held hands with Jet before and they’re just like siblings to him. This wasn’t much different from that. He wouldn’t like Haru in that way. 

Haru eased his hand back into Jet’s gentle grasp. Jet readjusted his grip, nestling his fingers through the spaces between Haru’s own. He glanced up at Haru as if he was asking if this was allowed, if the world would let this happen. Haru didn’t know if the world wanted this, but by the spirits he sure did. 

His hands were just like Haru imagined they’d be like. The corners of his hand were rough from what he assumed was years of using those hooked swords of his, but soothing nonetheless. Haru already knew Jet ran hot, but his thoughts were nothing compared to the real thing. 

Their warmth could rival the flames from a firebender. It wasn’t uncomfortable though. Jet’s hand felt like the heat from a kitchen, or like the sun shining just out of reach of them, homely and gentle. Haru wanted to sink into this feeling for as long as the world would let him.

Jet seemed to share the same sentiment, his gaze feeling softer than the shade they sat under. As he began to continue, his gaze left Haru to stare at the wheatfields Smellerbee and Longshot ran into. 

“Taking care of the fighters is everything. When their lives were just beginning they were already kicked to the curb, left alone to fend for themselves. People set them up to fail, no one in the city helped them. They were what? Twelve? _Thirteen_ when I met them? They didn’t have anywhere to go, to stay. I could wrap my fingers around their wrists with room to spare. _Haru_ they were so _thin_. They had been living off scraps for _who_ _knows how long-_ ”

He stopped to take a few breaths, shuttering ones that made Haru clench his jaw, hard. Jet trembled. Haru gave it a small squeeze to try and reassure him. His shaking lessened but remained faintly. Jet continued, rattling like the leaves above them in the soft breeze. 

“I can’t be that scared little kid if I have to worry about getting enough food on the table for everyone. They’re just so young, _too_ _young_ , to worry about if they’ll see the next day. Smellerbee, Longshot, they haven’t seen enough of the world yet. If all I have to do is grow up fast so that they don’t have to, then it’s all worth it.” 

Jet was always like this when they were alone. He’d talk almost like he was all alone. It broke Haru’s heart. When he started to spill, it was either the whole glass or a few drops, painful all the same.

“...even if I do miss being a kid like that.” He scoffed after the words left his mouth as if it was something to be ashamed of. 

It was always heart-wrenching to see Jet like this. He always thought his issues were unimportant or to be ‘talked about when we have time,’ but there was never a moment where they had ‘time.’

“I don’t think that it ever goes away completely, being a kid I mean.” Haru couldn’t think of anything better to say. His voice hitched on a few words from the strained look in Jet’s eyes. “You still have time Jet. You’re not going to run out of it. I’m here for you if you need a hand.” Looking down at their connected hands, Haru couldn’t help but laugh at the redundancy. “Well, I think you get what I mean.”

His eyes returned to Haru, the sunlight glinting off of his ever-so-slightly somber eyes. The smallest of things changed in those skies of eyes, the clouds clearing on one half but staying on the other. They were full of a fight Haru could never see.

“Yeah.” The skies remained clouded as Haru returned Jet’s gaze, settling on one of his eyelashes that the sun turned burgundy under its rays. 

The golden seas of wheat still shone around both of them, hand in hand, eyes on the other. The day was perfect. Haru almost felt the words leave his lips, so effortlessly. 

Almost. 

#### ***

“Hey Jet, come on _stay with me here_. Didn’t you agree when I said you had all the time in the world?” As much as Haru tried to keep steady, he supposed his body wasn’t going to comply. 

He looked around, his eyes meeting with Smellerbee. She was unearthly still and Haru could tell exactly what was going through her mind. She was losing one of the few people she barely had, _again._ One of the people who had practically raised her. 

Arrows pointed out of Longshot’s bow and his body turned at every sound. Longshot didn’t face them, or more of, he couldn’t. Fear was entangled in every movement he took. He flinched at every unfamiliar noise, even though the only sounds around were Jet’s breathing. _Spirits, he sounded even worse than before._

“Hey, Smellerbee,” she and Longshot flinched at her name being called, only turning their heads towards Haru. Her eyes were jittery and on the brink of overflowing. “Would you be able to prop his head up so I can get him something to drink?”

The sight also stole Smellerbee’s words, silently nodding. As she carefully lifted Jet’s head onto her knees, he hissed in agony. Immediately, a sharp pressure formed on Haru’s hand and while it was uncomfortable, he never wanted to let go of Jet for a single moment. 

Haru felt that if he let go for even a second, Jet would blow away with the breeze. 

Grabbing the waterskin with his free hand, Haru offered it to Jet. He drank the water gradually, face twisted in pain, clutching his rib cage. 

“Thank you.” The color returned to Jet’s face and the raspiness of his voice had settled to virtually unnoticeable rumbles in his throat. The gleam in his eyes was faint, but there. Even if the war demanded that he shouldn’t, Haru found hope in this light. 

Smellerbee started to smile, just a small one though. Longshot relaxed but still didn’t face them. 

The sweat from Jet’s forehead had started to make his hair stick to it. The sun was blazing down on them and they didn’t need him to overheat as well. Haru undid his headband, hair falling in its leave, and tied it around Jet’s head pushing away any stray hairs. 

“There we go.” He mumbled serenely, not at all thinking too much about the maroon tint of Jet’s face as he got closer to tie his hair back, not at all. Haru couldn’t help but think that the shade of green looked good on him, despite the ill-fated timing. 

_If we, no, when we reach home I’ll have to make him one._

Jet reached out, touching the hair that had fallen out from the loss of Haru’s headband. He twiddled the loose strands between his fingers and Haru melted into the touch. The sensation was like the taste of the lychee tea his mother used to make when he got sick, gingerly mellow and sweet like citrus. The feeling made him almost abysmally homesick. 

“Your hair is really smooth, kind of like those fancy-schmancy silk robes in Ba Sing Se.” Jet murmured hushedly, voice still growling in the depths of his chest. “If only you could’ve seen those things. They were comedically pretentious, but they looked so _soft_.”

“Don’t talk like that, we’ll all see them together again. We’ll rest up, make the trip, and have fun. Come on Jet, promise me that we’ll all see those stupid robes and laugh at their flashy patterns. _Please_.”

Haru’s eyes had already dried before, leaving saltine streaks on his cheeks, but they stung and prickled horribly. Something in Jet’s face changed, any ounce of tension faded, but his eyes remained troubled like a storm.

“Haru,” he spoke like he was talking to a wounded animal, frail and fragile. Haru could feel the world crashing down but he refused to see it. Jet wasn’t going to die. He _couldn’t_ die. Jet must have seen this on his face because he started to smile so kindly, so warmly. It made his heart ache even more fiercely. 

“I promise on my life Haru.” As if to reassure him, Jet ran his fingers closer to his scalp, brushing delicately. “I promise.”  
His hand was like the fur he shared with Haru on that cold night, soft and warm. The stars were so wonderful that night, so wonderful. 

How he wished that they were back there again, anywhere else than here. 

#### ***

_The scent of charred fruit and hay mixed with the thump of armor against solid ground. Someone was screaming, screaming so loudly yet so quietly. Something made him freeze, hands were grabbing at him. His mom was crying hysterically. He didn’t want to leave her. He couldn’t leave her just yet. He reached out for her, but then her face twisted and something, someone, took her place. The voice screaming now belonged to him._

Haru didn’t realize he had woken up until he heard Longshot stir a few feet away. He choked as he tried to gasp for oxygen Haru forgot he needed. The air felt thick in his throat, yet no matter how much he breathed in, it always seemed too thin. 

They had all collectively decided that it was better to sleep in a big group for warmth and ‘protection’ in Jet’s words. Well, they were right about one thing. It was certainly very warm under the two furs they brought along and being huddled rather close to everyone else. Somehow in the planning, Haru and Jet got stuck together and now Haru faced the boy that made his chest throb. His breathing eased. 

Long eyelashes framed eyes closed. They looked as if they were softer than the most luxurious dresses money could buy. The dimness of the cave made his hair an even darker hue than before. _Lovely_ was the only word Haru could think of at that moment. 

But like most things, this couldn’t last. 

Slipping out from under the fur, hissing at the chill against his skin, Haru could see the moon above him. Pure pale rays of moonlight lit his way as he quietly slipped away from the dim cave. 

The cold was a welcomed slap in the face, at least now he was shaking from this instead of that cursed dream. 

Haru knew all too well that if he tried to go back to sleep the dream would pick up where it left off, and the next part always made his blood go cold. He’d go to sleep after taking a walk. That always helped. 

Trees stood around him, thin and long. Their spindly frames casted shadows across his face in stripes. 

_Plumes of coal singed smoke, salty water sloshes all around him, flooding his cell. Ill-fated attempts to reach through the bars to escape, to be free, have failed. The sky is gone. He’s gone._

Another shiver racked through his bones, painfully so. 

Spring was nearly in full bloom, flowers budding and leaves regrowing, but it was still frigid at night time. Haru really wished he brought something a little heavier before heading out. 

Despite how much he hated this cold, it had a sense of calm to it. The frosted winds could take his worries away from him, far far away. Or at least, that’s what it seemed to do. The winds tossed his hair. He could almost hear their melodies. The skies had no clouds for miles and miles on end. Like a painting marbled in every shade of blue, it was one of the few things people could never take away from him. Stars looked like lanterns freshly lit, shining between cracks in the night, life-lights. It wouldn’t be such a bad idea to stargaze. Haru wouldn’t get a sky like this for a while, well, not one that he didn’t have to risk looking back at him. 

Jet truly was a beautiful person. From the way he fought to how much he cares for his pack, Haru couldn’t help but ponder about things friends shouldn’t ponder about. _How would his cheek feel in my hand? Would his hair be as fluffy as it looks? What would his lips feel like-_

Haru stopped himself at that one, his face going hot. In an effort to cool down, Haru laid in the grass head-first. It didn't stop the thoughts from swirling around, clanging like an old zhong. He really was just a hopeless romantic. Even if Jet _could_ like Haru like that, it doesn’t mean that he _would_. 

Jet could fight herds of soldiers by himself and not break a sweat. He fought for his freedom. Jet took care of other kids like him not much younger than him. If Jet could do all these things all on his own, why would he ever want Haru? 

He groaned into the ground, wishing he could just bury himself in the earth and never return. He could, in all reality, but then Haru would never see that smile again. And even if he could never call it his own, he’d be content to simply stare from afar, an outsider’s view. His heart would always belong to Jet, whether he wanted it to or not, even if Jet didn’t want it. 

“I’m really pathetic, aren’t I?” Haru whispered into the grass, only for the insects to hear, only for the tiniest specks of life to even listen to his woes. He was too caught up in the texture of grass on his nose to hear footsteps. 

“Not really, but I don’t think you were asking me.” Haru jolted at the familiar voice, but didn’t look up from the grass. He knew that even in the dark of night Jet would be able to see how pink his cheeks were. 

“Thanks.” Haru had never wanted more to just earthbend himself into the ground despite his earlier thoughts on it. _Thanks? That’s really the best I could come up with?_

Jet had one of the older, much smaller, furs draped over his shoulders like a cape. Haru nearly shivered, reminiscing the warmths of being under one. 

“Are you cold? I took the other fur as like an over-layer ‘cause it’s a lot colder than I thought. I could share if you want.” Jet poked his arm out from one side, inviting him in. 

“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Haru picked himself up off the ground, allowing himself to meet the moon once more, but not Jet. Haru was fairly sure he was still redder than a molten coal, and he couldn’t bear the thought of Jet finding out. 

The fur was slowly lowered down over his shoulders, but hesitated, a hovering hand over his shoulder. An outwards sigh filled the space between them as Jet carefully placed the covering over his shoulder, returning his hand to the side. 

Haru could feel the residual heat from Jet wearing it, like a campfire. The breeze could lap at his loose clothes all it wanted, but the chill would never reach his head. 

He was safe. 

“So, what’s got you up so late? You hear something?” Jet asked, turning his head making his eyes meet with Haru. He couldn’t meet those skies fully, knowing that if he did he would blurt out something he’d regret when the sun touched the frosted grass come morning. 

“More of I couldn’t go back to sleep. I had a nightmare but I’m okay now.”

As much as Haru hated lying, bringing up the dream now would hurt a little too much. He glanced back, meeting those skies of eyes. 

He sat with his legs crossed, fiddling with the seams of his shoes, only his eyes facing him. The moonlight settled behind his frame, illuminating his shape, burning it into Haru’s memory. A silver lining worth holding onto. 

“You sure?” He shifted towards Haru, almost knee to knee. 

“In a little, maybe. It’s a little too fresh right now.” Sometimes trying to recount what happened fills Haru’s throat with slush, nauseating and bitter. 

“We can talk about other things too.” He hummed like it was a lullaby. 

“Anything particular you want to talk about, to, well, try and distract you?”

Haru chuckled at Jet’s expression affectionately. A shyer smile than he’d even seen before made its way onto the boy’s face. He looked almost nervous, but Haru was tired and he was probably seeing things. 

“Anything, anything at all Jet.” Jet’s voice had this sort of calmness to it, in a weird sort of way. His voice was like a lit-candle already half gone, homely but with a flair. 

“Did you ever make constellations?” Haru could feel himself flush before Jet could get out another word. Of all the things he could talk about he chose one of Haru’s favorite things. 

“Yeah, I think I have.” 

“I made some too when I was younger. Smellerbee and Longshot made some a while back too. They were pretty cool.” Jet fiddled with his hands, shifting where he sat. “Do you want to see them?”

“Yes!” Haru blurted out haphazardly. He nearly toppled over Jet with his enthusiasm, mere inches from the other boy’s face. Up close, Jet’s eyes went wide, not scared, but elated. The stars could not compare to the ones in front of him now. 

“There’s a star Longshot named the Spirit’s star. It never moves from what we know, but we don’t always have the time to look for it.” He pointed to a part of the sky, assumingly where the Spirit’s star was, but Haru couldn’t seem to find it. 

Somehow noticing his confusion, Jet turned to him, speaking softly. 

“Here let me show you.” Jet pulled Haru closer, taking the boy’s hand in his own, and pointed it to the star. 

Haru sat close enough to Jet to find faint freckles painted across his cheeks. How he wished to reach over and trace them over to form constellations. They’d be the brightest ones in the sky. Haru’s thoughts were spinning faster than they ever had before. His cheeks darkened as his heart raced. He couldn’t tell if this was Jet being Jet or something more. The question was killing him. 

And the barely reddened ears of the boy he cared for so dearly did not help in the slightest. 

But looking above to the star Jet had gently led him to, it was one of the most beautiful sights he had seen in awhile. Well, if he didn’t count Jet that is, though nothing could beat that sight in the morning.

A bright blue as light as sea foam filled his vision. It flashed in the sky like lightning, quick but forever etched in his mind. If the ocean could melt into glass and glow, that was what the Spirit’s star looked like. 

“Wow.” Haru breathed out. The star had stolen all his words and then some. 

Jet simply smiled, a smile so sweet that it could make the ocean taste saltless. 

The night went on, the two growing accustomed to being in the other’s arms, talking about the stars. While it was a cold night, Haru couldn’t feel it anymore, wrapped up in both a fur and a person. And oh how wonderful that was. There were no trees around them, only blades of grass beneath their open hands. Haru simply basked in the calm of Jet’s voice, until something he said caught his mind. 

“I really miss them, you know?” Jet murmured ever so sparingly. Despite him asking a question, Jet spoke like it was only him in this field of green. He met the star soaked sky, in all its navy glory, gentle but mournful features stretching over his face. 

Haru could tell who Jet was talking about. He hardly spoke about them and when he did, it was only a brief word or two. 

“Yeah,” Haru tugged Jet a little closer, hoping that it would help the boy’s watery eyes from spilling over. “I’m here for you Jet.”

Without hesitance, Jet began to pour out. 

“I had a nightmare too, and I can’t get it out of my head. I’m lighting the fuse to the gunpowder but when I look down into the village I see Smellerbee, Longshot, the Duke, Pipsqueak, _you-all_ of them. They look at me with such fear that I don’t think I’ll be able to forget as long as I live. I try to put out the fuse but then the dam explodes and everything is in smoke. When the smoke clears, I’m back home, but home is in flames. I hear my parents’ screams and it feels like my ears are boiling. The fire just keeps getting bigger and bigger and I just start running. I run to the river but suddenly it turns red and crashes over me. The water starts to scream and scream and I’m drowning in it. And at the last second when I breathe in, all I taste is blood. Blood that was on my hands.”

Though his frame shivered under Haru, his voice remained steady but lashed out at certain parts of his recollection. 

Jet had faces, or more accurately masks, to say. He was always just supposed to be this leader of a rebellion, this confidant fighter who none could take down, but he was so much more than that. Jet was troubled like disturbed river waters, the algee kicking up from the depths of the bed. He was caring, taking in others just like him. People who had their lives stripped away from them before they even had begun. He was so gentle. The many, many times they all had gotten hurt, Jet was there to help bandage their wounds. 

Jet was a person, plain and simple, but complicated and hard to understand. 

Haru knew well that he would never see every shard of Jet the boy had, and he knew well that Jet would never see, or want to see, every shard of Haru, but that didn’t matter in this moment. 

The moonlight glittered off the shallow tears trickling from Jet, silently, barely emotional. He looked so forlorn, so _lonely_ that it made Haru’s chest churn. 

“Jet, please look at me.” Jet turned to stare at Haru, cheeks glistening from his damp eyes. His hair was askew from the all-but-gone breezes from before. Haru took Jet’s jaw into his hands, trying desperately to dry any other tears that fell from his face. 

“Smellerbee and Longshot are here. They’re sleeping peacefully in the cave. They’re warm, they’re _safe_ and so are you. We’re here for you, and we aren’t going anywhere.” He couldn’t find the words to help Jet find solace and it stung. It hurt Haru that he couldn’t do more than this. 

So Haru just held Jet closer, tucking the boy’s head under his neck, pulling the fur over his quivering form. Quietly but just loud enough to be heard, the smallest of sobs rang out into the sky. They came in waves, sometimes barely making it to the shore, other times they flooded out the sands. Tears were tears all the same. 

Each drop that seeped through Haru’s shirt felt like needles digging into his skin, using his heartstrings as thread. Jet was holding onto the back of Haru’s shirt, tightly, in fistfuls of worn fabric. 

“Thank you.” Jet sniffled against his clothing, sounding so _cracked_ , so awfully, so achingly _painful_. Haru knew this would never be the time to say anything impulsively. Jet was in so much hurt that he was suffocating in it. Haru would never forgive himself if he said something so selfish. 

With the light of the Spirit’s star he only learned moments ago, Haru whispered softly. 

“Of course,” he let himself pull the boy a little closer, “anytime Jet.”

Another tear met his shoulder. 

“Anytime at all.”

#### ***

The palm that was once running through his hair was gone. 

His skin had gone back to its paler tone, taking on a nearly blue tone. Haru held the hand still tangled with his own two closer to his chest. 

_Remember the fields of gold, that warmth. Come on Haru, focus on that._

“Jet just breathe in, okay?” Smellerbee pleaded, her arms drifting towards his shoulder, gripping his armor with her shaking hands. She bit her lip. 

Underneath her, Jet inhaled, coming close to a full breath rather than the short ones he had been taking up until now, but stopped short again. He clutched his chest as a fit of coughs surged through his throat, replacing what should’ve been air. Almost instantly, Haru could see the agony it had caused, the hand held in his own squeezing hard. Jet’s expression caused him more pain than any wound he had ever had before.  
How had it gotten worse? _Spirits_ , how did it get worse?

The sounds made Longshot turn around, eyes filled with things Haru could only know as fear. He knelt down beside Jet, desolately laying a hand on his shoulder as well. Smellerbee wouldn’t face any of them, covering herself with her arms, knees still under Jet’s head. A shiver racked her turned back. 

Longshot shuffled over, his hand falling over her shoulder wordlessly. He didn’t meet her eyes but instead looked at the ground, teeth gritting. The silence rang through the air settling on them horribly, the realization dawning on them all. It made Haru’s mouth taste bitter. 

Idly, he grabbed the waterskin seated against him and gave Jet another drink, his mind fearfully blank. This time around his breaths didn’t ease up. They had this whistle to it, ringing through Haru’s ears palely. 

The grip around his fingers tightened and left just as quick as it came, Jet’s stare directed at Smellerbee and Longshot. 

Longshot had wrapped Smellerbee in his arms and she did the same back, having her chin rest above his shoulder obscured from view. She didn’t make a single sound, quietly shivering with Longshot doing the same, and his eyes looked watery. He was mumbling something Haru couldn’t catch, which was for the better. 

Jet’s throat bobbed, slightly staring at the two, keeping his eyes wide. They would widen and narrow each second that went by of this quiet, holding back. 

“Hey Bee, Longshot,” he slurred through the words, making the two turn their heads, “can I see my swords for a second?”

Smellerbee carefully got up, placing Jet’s head on the ground so slowly like just touching him would cause him pain. Returning to the group, hooked swords in shaking hands, she laid them beside him. 

Jet glanced over them almost reminiscently, reaching out his free arm to graze his fingers over the blades, tapping out a melody. 

“I want you guys to pick one up.” Longshot and Smellerbee glanced at the other nervously but still did what he asked of them. 

“You two will make great leaders. I just know it.” As soon as the word ‘leaders,’ left his mouth, they spilled. 

“No, Jet-” Smellerbee stuttered, starting sentences then falling short. “We can’t take these. They’re _yours_ . _You’re_ still our leader.”

“Well, now I’m giving that role to you two.” Another squeeze. “Though I do have one thing to ask of you two, not as your leader, but as your _friend_.”

Longshot turned away, taking off his hat, burying his face in it. Smellerbee stared solely into Jet’s eyes, ignoring the dampness that was causing the stripes on her face to streak. 

“Can you tell the Duke and Pipsqueak that I’m sorry?” Jet swallowed hard, so much so that his breath hitched again. “Check up on them too, while you’re there.”

It looked like Smellerbee wanted to speak, to tell him that he’d have to be the one to do it, but she remained still with the hooked sword clutched by the handle. 

This time it was Haru’s turn to squeeze the other’s hand, wishing that he could somehow ignore the pricking feeling at his nose, that it would somehow erase it. 

Jet rolled over his head towards the sudden pressure, alternating from returning it and rubbing his thumb in circles over Haru’s skin. 

“Hey.” Jet murmured, that growl coming back full force now resting on every word. 

It was a single word, just one simple word, but it nearly brought Haru to tears. He sounded so calm, _too_ calm. Jet’s fingers were so cold against his own skin.

_That night under the stars, hold onto it._

“Hey.” He didn’t have the heart to mention anything of what he just told Smellerbee and Longshot. It was a sensitive thing to tread on, the bond people share when it’s only been them for so long. 

The air hung around them, their ability to speak dampened, only Jet’s short breaths and the faint gritting of teeth audible. His throat felt heavy. 

“I didn’t think it’d be like this,” Jet broke the silence barely, his voice just a mere mumble. “I didn’t _want_ it to be like this.”

“Jet, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. We’ll see those _stupid robes_ -” The prickle in Haru’s eyes was now in full force, making him let go of Jet’s hand to rub at his face, but kept one still attached. Jet cut him off gently. 

“Haru, I know, don’t worry, but I wasn’t referring to that.” Jet fiddled with the seam of his tunic, sweeping off the pebbles. 

“What?” Haru didn’t know what to think of what could happen next. Jet looked so sickly in the sun, sweat sticking to his skin and skimming down his forehead. His hand felt clammy and Haru tried desperately to search his mind for the warmth that should’ve been there. 

“Have you ever met someone who made the sun seem less bright?”

_You make the sun seem like a mere spark in comparison. You’ve almost replaced it._

“Someone so kind, so _loving_ in ways you won’t ever be able to describe? I feel, no, I _know_ I’ve met someone like that.” Jet spoke with softened eyes that made Haru’s heart dizzy. 

It almost hurt to hear about Jet’s affections for another person, but he deserves to have someone like that in his life. 

“Whose this person that’s made Jet of all people swoon so hard?”

What pulled Haru out of his self-woes was the boy’s laughter, practically bursting at the seam lines with relief. Though it didn’t last long, another fit of coughs ripped through Jet’s chest, a grim reminder. 

“Haru.” 

“Yes?” 

“Haru, it’s you.” 

“Yeah, it’s me? I’m right here Jet.” He held his hand a little tighter for emphasis. 

“... Haru,” Jet sighed, covering his face with his free hand, cheeks flushed. “You’re the one who makes my heart swoon. You take the sun and make it seem dull.”

Oh. 

_Oh._

Then suddenly everything felt like too much but not enough at the same time. 

_The hand-holding, the glances, the shade of his cheeks, the stars, the secrets, the look in his eyes-_

_Spirits,_ how had Haru been so blind? 

He hadn’t let himself think of this as anything more than a crush, a silly, fleeting crush. It would be something he could look back on and maybe chuckle at in the future. It was supposed to be temporary. Haru _couldn’t_ like Jet in that way because he was one of the few people he felt he could talk to. So maybe he just chalked it up to admiration, to view the other boy as a role model, a _friend_. 

But now, everything fell into place and Haru couldn’t look away. It was undeniable. He’d carved the stone with his own two hands. 

He was in love with Jet. 

Head-over-heels, stealing glances across the river kind of, heart-wreckingly in love with Jet. 

“-I understand if you don’t feel the same though. Maybe you don’t even swing that way.” Jet was in the middle of something as Haru drifted back from his own head. 

“Nonono,” he rushed through the words, slurring them together. “I feel the same way Jet, I do.”

The way Jet’s eyes glinted with such joy he’d never seen before, showing off light hazels and rich umbers, made Haru _ache_. He chuckled at the absurdity that this all went over his head, Jet gradually snickering alongside him. It all seemed so obvious now, but now his eyes were cleared. 

“Finally,” Smellerbee spoke up, despite her cheeks being soaked, she smiled. “I thought you’d never do it.”

“..shut up, Bee.” He muttered. Smellerbee laughed, making tears stream down her face. Slowly they morphed, her smile fading, into the most lamentable thing Haru ever saw. They left and dropped one, then two, then too many to count, Smellerbee struggling to keep her composure. She gripped the sword so tightly that it looked as if it was going to snap under her plated hand. 

Longshot untied his scarf, trying to dry her face even though he desperately needed to as well, the underside of his eyes frantically red. 

“You have horrible timing you know?” Smellerbee sighed, shaking her head, the stripes on her face almost completely wiped away. Longshot nodded along. 

“Yeah, I know.” Jet whispered so quietly that the wind could carry it away with ease. 

Suddenly his body shook, hard, making him turn over, Haru’s hand slipping from its grasp. His shaking arms hardly held up his frame as his coughs became more and more _violent_. Longshot rushed to Jet’s side, trying to keep him from hurtling to the ground. 

The Longshot stilled, Smellerbee looked over, and then she too stilled. A curdling feeling built up in Haru’s stomach like fire was strangling him. His heart ramped up, pounding at his chest, his ears, screaming for escape. Another cough, a finch, a change in eyes, he knew he had to look, to see his friend, but couldn’t bring himself to even glance. 

Jet collapsed into the dirt below, Longshot rolling him over onto his back. The sight was clear as the skies above them. Haru couldn’t escape it. 

_Red_. 

A color that always sent shivers down Haru’s spine, freezing him into place. It stole his breath and words horribly. Red blotched itself into the corner of Jet’s mouth becoming one of the few tones his skin still held onto. Near him was a puddle, too much that it twisted Haru’s stomach, of _red._

Haru moved silently, his whole body feeling numb. He wanted to reach out to Jet, to feel the warmth he knew would erase the static in his skin, but he opted to kneel next to him. His shadow casted over Jet, the paleness of his face stabbing Haru in the gut. 

“Hey hey, come on now. Stay with me here Jet.” Haru wanted to stay calm but his words came out like a plea, a beg. 

Jet lolled his head over, the dirt flecks catching in his hair. The blood ran down the side of his cheek in beads, trailing then down his neck. 

“It’s okay.” He rattled, his words cutting out while he spoke. 

“No it’s not!” Haru didn’t mean to yell but it was the only he could stop his sight from becoming blurred. Smellerbee and Longshot finched, Jet didn’t. 

His expression only softened further, almost impossibly so. 

“Can I ask something of you too Haru?” Jet’s eyes were full of something hard to describe, something so familiar. Haru nodded, nails scratching the ground for some form of comfort that he wouldn’t find. 

“Can I kiss you while I still can?” 

Haru’s chest went tight again, twisting into itself, burying into the center of his existence. There was a fire burning his insides to ash and it plumed out in heaps, choking out his words to mere gasps. 

_While I still can._ It was added on so nonchalantly like it hardly mattered. 

The brushing of Jet’s fingers against his own brought Haru out of his head again. They always did, but this time he was chill to the touch. 

“What do you mean ‘while you still can?’ You’re not- I’m not letting you-” A pressure formed on his fingertips. “I’m not kissing you, not now.”

Jet finched at that, tentatively hurt with reason. Haru rushed to explain. 

“I won’t kiss you _here_ . I’ll kiss you after we get to my village, after we’ve held hands properly, under the stars or at least _something_ like that.” 

In the back of his stomach Haru knew a horrid truth that he hated. Kissing Jet here, while he was in this state, felt like he was giving it, like he was _losing_. That sinking feeling where he couldn’t claw his way out of, was eating him alive. 

Jet grasped Haru’s forearm gently, trying to pull him closer. Haru obliged, leaning in closer to the boy, his shallow breaths hardly registering. 

His grip felt much weaker than it did before, at the time they almost had this moment. Haru wanted to go back in time to that early morning to take that chance. Even if it was only going to be a few days more of that bliss, it would've been worth every last second for them to be together.

Haru didn’t feel the hand reaching for his face, too lost in what could’ve been. 

And how alluring it was. 

#### ***

The sun was just reaching over the horizon, turning the clouds into golden silk. There was no wind, a lovingly calm day. River water lapped at the edge where it met land like family. Flowers and herbs alike were relishing in the new summer heat, turning the ground into rich green seas with fish of every hue imaginable. 

Smellerbee, Longshot, and Jet were still asleep in the little cave they set up a week ago. Spring melted away, charring like the wood that they added to the campfire each night. It was something out of a dream, like nothing else mattered but the four of them. 

So maybe that’s the reason Haru was picking flowers despite the fact he could hardly consider it morning yet. Maybe it’s because he just couldn’t go back to sleep. 

Sleep never came easy these days, but it had gotten better at least. Haru originally thought that their shift-sleeping would go away. 

Oh how wrong he was. 

The small injuries, the relentless paranoia, the exhaustion. There were always two on watch while the other two slept, never more than a few hours. Haru couldn’t get this itching out of his skin whenever he woke up when everyone else was asleep, or seemed to be. He’d walk out the cave, trying to find any source of life besides them. Sometimes Smellerbee would find him, sometimes it’d be Longshot. They would take him back to their makeshift beds and offer to watch over him while he slept. 

And he did the same for them when they had the same issue. It was just natural. 

Haru never saw too many flowers back home, or at least not to this extent. The ground was always too dry and the forests too lean or burnt to grow anything but a few things.

One of them was this small grey flower, tall and thin. Haru once gave them to his mother and she kept them in the middle of their table. It wasn’t the prettiest thing, but she seemed to be overjoyed at this little thing. He could remember exactly how she looked. The grey flower wasn’t here despite the numerous other ones. He would have to pick some for her before they got home. 

He missed those little plants. 

His hair fell in front of his eyes as he reached down to gather some of the riverbed blooms. Haru didn’t get the chance to put it up in its usual headband, but he'd do that when he got back to camp. 

When Haru got back, he found Jet sitting a little ways away from his bed out in the open. 

The sunlight glowed on the side of his face, creating gleams of yellow that shone off his armor in rays of gilded light. His eyes were narrowed, weighted down by the early morning haze. Humming filled the space around him, absentmindedly repeating a verse from something they heard on their travels. With the new light, a faint layer of mist became visible. It wrapped around his ankles and faded as it reached his knees.

Jet looked ethereal, like he was a legend that would be passed down from generation to generation, and no one knew if he was real. Children would stay up late in the eves to simply catch a glimpse and stare in awe, and hopeless romantics would write poems about his somber grace as they yearned for another. 

But here he was, basking in the fresh morning warmth, lost in wisps of mist with his own thoughts. Jet stole his breath many times before but this felt unlike any other time. 

“Morning.” Jet glanced up once, then doing a double-take, like he wasn’t sure Haru was really there. 

“Hey, good morning,” Jet’s lips pulled upwards into a wide-toothed grin, “are those flowers for me?” 

Haru chuckled at that one, knowing that Jet was simply joking, but he had plenty to spare. _Maybe?_ Friends can give flowers to friends. There’s nothing romantic about it. 

Nothing at all. 

“I already made some for Smellerbee and Longshot. What’s one more?”

Haru pulled out some from the basket he took along. Handing it off to Jet, he couldn’t help but feel warm when he saw the wonder in the boy’s dark eyes. They were a mix of flowers with small, bell-shaped blooms, ones that were scrunched and rust-colored, another with open, marigold petals, and some other greenery he threw in for good measure. 

“Wow,” Jet rose to meet Haru, breathlessly, like _he_ was the one whose breath had been stolen. “ _Wow_.” 

He stared at them for a while and turned away at some point, brushing his face with his sleeves. When Jet looked back, he had on one of the largest grins Haru had ever seen. His eyes were scrunched in what looked like joy. Haru hadn’t seen this before, but there was a slight chip in one of Jet’s back teeth. He wanted to know about it. 

Haru longed to know every little thing about Jet. 

“I’ve got to do something for you now. This _cannot_ go without something in return. It’s an absolute masterpiece Haru.”

“Hold on there. I’ve got to put up my hair before anything else.” Haru laughed. Jet was always very blunt with his words, but sometimes it worked in his favor. 

“I could do that for you, if you want?” Jet didn’t look at him when he said it, opting to stare at the tiny arrangement in his hands. 

And by the time Haru processed the boy’s request, his heart took control and he had already agreed.

Haru was relieved that he wasn’t facing Jet. His face felt much hotter than the sun whenever he could feel the small brushes from Jet’s hands combing through his hair. 

The sensation was soft. It was almost scared in a way with how faint it was like Jet was afraid of hurting him. Despite Jet’s worries or at least the ones Haru thought he might’ve had, there was nothing but care in the feeling. 

Haru couldn’t help but lean into it, his thoughts melting into things only recognizable as calm. It was a familiar feeling from his childhood, a soft happiness that he hadn’t experienced in months. 

“Hope you don’t mind I’m using the flowers you gave me.” Haru turned around to meet Jet, not offended but confused. 

“What do you mean?” Haru pulled his hair over his shoulder, revealing Jet’s work. 

His hair was in a half-finished braid, speckled with flowers from the bundle he made Jet. Haru still had his original two strands on the side of his face, albeit much smaller. He could tell the effort that went into this was something tender. 

“It’s gorgeous.” Haru smiled as large as he could trying to match the one Jet gave him earlier, marveling at the braid. “I love it.”

As he opened his eyes, Haru found something even more beautiful than the braid that laid over his shoulder. 

The sun had risen enough that it traced and outlined Jet in gold, like the sun was a renowned artist and Jet was a painting they spent years crafting. His eyes were even darker in this light. They were darker than charcoal but took the shine from the feathers of the boldest blackbirds and the glittering scales of an Unagi in the seas. The mist had dissipated, leaving Jet in clear view, red flickering over his face. He was no longer a myth elders would tell around fires, but a real person to behold. 

And _spirits_ , if he wasn’t absolutely beautiful. 

“Here, I’ll turn back around so you can finish your work,” Haru mumbled, feeling the situation becoming a touch awkward now. 

“Oh, yeah,” Jet stared for a while, almost like he was coming out of a daze. “Sure.”

Just as he said he would, Jet continued to braid. His hands gingerly combed Haru’s hair, separating it back into strands, re-adjusting the flora that had fallen. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this.” Jet chuckled, “I still feel a bit rusty.” 

“I didn’t notice at all. How long has it been since you’ve done this?” 

“I haven’t really done it properly since I was a kid.” Jet murmured, slowing down his hands as he reminisced. 

“I think I braided my mom’s hair a few times, albeit with my dad’s help. Though I don’t remember the finer details, I’m sure it happened.” 

“Oh,” Haru paused, unsure of what to say. Jet didn’t talk about his past often, especially anything to do with his early days before the war reached him. Though when he did speak about them, there was always a fondness to them, even if they were small things. 

“They taught you well then.” 

Jet stilled at Haru’s words, fiddling with the other boy’s hair idly.

“Yeah. They sure did.” He sighed softly, but in a way Haru could only describe as bittersweet. Jet sped up to his original pace, still gentle as ever.

A silence eased round the two, the quiet chirping of insects sewn into it, though it wasn’t uncomfortable. The sound of birds touching the water to catch fish, the tips of their wings slicing through the river, faintly registered in the background. The scent of the flowers in his hair and stained on his hands flooded his senses. They were mixed with a salted breeze from the ocean not too far from where they sat. The morning sun felt good against Haru’s arms, the heat enveloping him in a sense of calm. Time didn’t feel real anymore. 

It was just the two of them, basking in the sunlight, braiding hair and the world faded out. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Jet stilled again, his hands pausing before leaving Haru’s hair, promptly resting them on his shoulders. 

“Could you turn around? I’d like to see how it looks from the front.” Haru obliged, meeting Jet once more. 

He had one of his eyebrows quirked up in deep thought. It was getting increasingly difficult to stifle the giggle in Haru’s throat. As if to humor himself, he grabbed a random flower, a light blue one, and placed it behind Jet’s ear. The expression on Jet’s face changed immediately, a pink blooming on his ears. 

The laughter in his stomach disappeared, butterflies taking its place. 

Sometimes Jet looked so beautiful that Haru felt like he was going to cry. He was almost like the sun in that way, too bright for his eyes but still keeps on looking. 

“Perfect.” Jet breathed out smoothly. “Just need to do one more thing.”

He reached out towards Haru, taking the two strands that framed his face and leaning in close. His hands were on the back of the other boy’s head, tucking the hair into the back. 

Haru could feel the air coming from Jet, soft and ticklish. Up close, Haru could see the little things that he normally wouldn’t from far away. He already knew Jet had freckles but there were lighter ones he hadn’t noticed before. His eyelashes looked so much longer and if he could reach out and touch them, Haru knew they’d be soft. His nose brushed Jet, bringing his focus to Haru, staring deeply into his eyes. 

For a while they just held the other’s gaze, indulging in the sweetness that was the other, pure and unfiltered.

Jet pulled his hands from the back of Haru’s head, moving them just behind his ears, running his thumb on his cheek. While his hands were ginger in their movements, they were callused against his face. Haru didn’t mind though, in fact he quite enjoyed the feeling. There was a sort of comfort to them, like nothing could hurt him as long as those hands were in his reach. 

He could feel Jet getting closer, his breaths becoming more drawn out, his eyes fluttering shut. Haru lifted his own hands, burying them in the hair at the nape of the other boy’s neck. They shifted closer to the other, he could feel the warmth radiating from the other. 

Jet inched closer, Haru closed his eyes as well, his heart racing, and then-

He heard shuffling from the cave, the rustling of covers, the tapping of feet. 

Haru pulled away quickly, both out of embarrassment and slight fear. He found Smellerbee stretching over at the entrance of their camp, her hair a little messy. He looked back at Jet, remembering the events that had just occurred. 

Haru felt the place Jet’s hands had been moments before still swimming at the touch. 

Jet had his mouth parted in a dazed state, red all but consumed his face. Haru could almost hear the clicks going off in his head trying to process what almost happened. Haru couldn’t blame him, the details were still trickling in. With each new thought of how that might’ve gone if they weren’t so hypervigilant, Haru’s cheeks pricked with another tinge of pink. 

“Good morning you two.” Smellerbee yawned, settling down not too far from them. She paused when saw them, “did I interrupt anything?”

She smirked at Jet whose face only got brighter at the comment. 

“I-” He started but then stopped short, covering his mouth once more. 

Smellerbee turned to Haru next, the same smirk still present.

“I-uh, I mean Jet was just finished braiding my hair and he had to do a final thing which required me to face him and he had to get closer, and anyways I made you and Longshot flower arrangements.” He was rambling and each second it went on it only proved Smellerbee’s point. 

Haru jumped to his feet, promptly handing over the arrangements, and began to walk back to the cave. Smellerbee called out to him. 

“That braid looks amazing!” Haru stopped in his tracks, taking the braid over his shoulder to admire it once more.

“Yeah,” he gazed at Jet fondly, whose cheeks had yet to become less red, simply enjoying the view. 

“It sure does.”

#### ***

The hand against his cheek was almost ice-cold, but still Haru leaned into it like it would suddenly revert to how it was back then. Haru couldn’t shake the thought. 

Jet felt nothing like he did back when they were at the wheat fields, under that starry sky, when those same hands threaded through his hair, his skin feeling like the sun itself back then. 

“Hey Jet, you’re going to be alright.” Haru’s voice cracked towards the end, his throat feeling thick. Jet merely looked at him, sighing gently. 

“I wish I told you sooner.” He stroked the place just below Haru’s eye, “maybe we would’ve had more time.”

“Please, you’re going to be alright.”Haru said, more to himself than Jet. “You promised me we’d all go to Ba Sing Se, remember?”

Jet’s eyes swirled with gleams of light, like they were swimming in endless pools of dark, trying his hardest to keep it in just a little longer. He bit his lip in a frown. 

“You’ll have to see them for me.” Maybe it was to try and comfort him but Jet placed his other hand on the other side of his face, running his thumb over Haru’s cheekbone. “Laugh twice as hard at those things.”

Haru couldn’t will himself to speak anymore, that pricking feeling in his nose becoming unbearable. His teeth ached, biting down on themselves in a feeble attempt to make his mouth stop tasting like salt. It felt like he was being drowned, his head pounding violently, the pressure knocking the air out of him. 

His own breath hitched, broken into pieces as Haru tried and tried again to calm down. The dirt beneath his hands dug itself farther between Haru’s nails painfully. Even with his eyes screwed shut he could feel Jet’s gaze on him. 

He just felt so bare, like someone tore away his skin and left him like that. There was a pressure under his eyes, brushing away the hair that had stuck to his skin. Haru wished it felt warm, a warmth that could dry his face with one touch, but it wasn’t. 

It was just cold. 

Haru knew that his window of time with Jet was closing, the evidence right in front of him, but he still wanted to believe that Jet would pull through like he did so many times before. But he also knew that he would regret every moment, every single drop of time, that he didn’t use Jet still by him. 

He opened his eyes slowly, and he was right, Jet was gazing at him. 

The boy had his eyebrows downturned, creases at the corners of his mouth. His skin still had a blue tone to it, sweat shining off it. His breathing had slowed down to short puffs, his chest rattling with each one he took. 

As gently as his shaking hands could manage, Haru pulled Jet ever so slightly closer to him. Jet smiled faintly, his eyes getting damp and casting a sheen over his cheeks. He moved one of his hands from Haru’s cheek to bury it in the other boy’s hair, pulling him nearer. 

Haru took the moment to stare, to lose himself in Jet’s eyes while he could, and just enjoy him as he was. Jet seemed to share the sentiment, and despite him not knowing what goes on in that boy’s mind, Haru knew that he wanted the same. 

They inched closer to the other, Jet’s breath being the only warm thing until there wasn’t a single space between them. 

Jet’s lips were a little chapped at the corners but Haru didn’t care. The contact sent warmth throughout his bones, his cheeks becoming flushed. Jet tangled his hands into Haru’s hair, gingerly stroking behind his ear, sending shivers down his spine. Haru didn’t want this to stop, because when they did, he would have to face reality. 

So he let himself indulge for a few moments more. 

When they parted, Haru didn’t look at Jet just yet. He pressed his lips to Jet’s eyelashes, his temple, the corner of his mouth, the tops of his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose-

Everywhere Haru could manage, kissing every part of him as if he was trying to make up all the ones they were going to miss. 

Finally pulling away to stare at Jet once more, the boy’s cheeks were as flushed as Haru’s were. Jet had on a smile, one side being lower than the other, perfectly imperfect. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” Jet whispered, caressing Haru’s cheek once more. 

“I have too.” Haru chuckled, finding their obliviousness entertaining. “You have no idea.”

Jet started to laugh too, but another coughing fit ran through him. Haru’s heart dropped lower than it ever did before, cracking as it hit the bottom. When Jet settled, the fit sinking back down, he said something that made Haru’s eyes welt up again. 

“I want more time Haru. I really just want a little more time to spend with you all. I want to go with you all. I want to _stay_ with you all.”

Haru’s skin stung and a wave crashed over him, making him pour out. It broke the dam holding back everything. 

He pulled Jet into an embrace, weaving his hands into the base of his hair, holding him as tight as he could without hurting him. Haru looked at the sky, sunny and bright, sneering down upon all of them. 

“I know, Jet. I-We want to stay with you. I would give the world for a few more days, the whole world and then some.”

And for a while it was just the two of them in the others arms. 

Just Haru and Jet as the world faded around them. 

Then it was just Haru, left cold under the sun. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay im sorry it took me over a month to write this, but I stuck with it!
> 
> so uh yeah, first posted work feels amazing and I thank the jetru server for their support
> 
> thank you for reading!!!


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